Friday, June 17, 2016

Fight 5.1

     The shouting came from the white house to my right. They were all white houses, or off white houses. It was St Patrick’s Day and a Thursday and about 10 pm. Albany was already drunk. College kids crossed slowly in the middle of the street, cop cars idled at stoplights, and the fluorescent lights of the dollar pizza place on the corner illuminated a swarm of white legs like moths around a porch light.
    All the houses looked the same. Full recycling cans sat on the island of grass and dirt between the street and the cracked sidewalk. The shouting came from the house with the garage in the back of the driveway with its lights on. The lights backlit a small gathering of people I couldn’t see but for the ember of a burning joint.
     We were walking to the bar I believe. My friends moved ahead, their arms swaying but I stopped to listen to the man yell at this girl. I stopped and tapped the toe of my boots on the cement. It was warm for March and I had only a long t-shirt on.
      He was screaming now. Something about her being out late or the dress she was wearing. I can’t remember. I couldn’t see who they were but they had given themselves a considerable distance from their friends. His back was to me; he must’ve backed away slowly throughout the fight. He suddenly got very quite.
     I pushed my hair back form my eyes and put the bottle I was walking with down on the lawn.
     “Oh you’re gonna cry like a bitch,” she said. “That’s right. This is how it always goes. I do something and you get upset and cry like a baby. You do not deserve me.” He was softly crying.
      He was still backing up, farther away from the garage light. I picked my beer up off the mixture of thin dirt and grass and I left. I walked without really knowing where I was going, I was told the bar was on Edwards but I couldn’t read the signs. Plus, all the houses looked the same.
     I finished the beer and kept walking.

3 comments:

  1. Public shouting matches are always fun to listen to and that's definitely the meat of this story, but it doesn't feel like the main attraction. There's a ton of description in the middle of the event, and while it adds to the sense of scene, it meanders and detracts from what's actually going on.
    You say that they were in a group of people gathered in front of the house. What was their reaction to the argument? You say you wore "only a long T-shirt." Who designed it?

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  2. Wow, people fighting in public is always a little nerving. I think that your introduction is strong and I liked the way in which you invited in the screaming into your piece. I wish it was a explained a little bit more clearly. Could you possibly tell the reader what you are seeing when you attention flicks to the fight? Also you could add more description at the end of the piece. Like talk about the feeling of the beer cans between your hands, was their ringing in your ears? Describe more of how you feel in this moment.

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  3. Wow, people fighting in public is always a little nerving. I think that your introduction is strong and I liked the way in which you invited in the screaming into your piece. I wish it was a explained a little bit more clearly. Could you possibly tell the reader what you are seeing when you attention flicks to the fight? Also you could add more description at the end of the piece. Like talk about the feeling of the beer cans between your hands, was their ringing in your ears? Describe more of how you feel in this moment.

    ReplyDelete