I remember the
light reflecting off the wall as having an orange glow. Which can’t be true, I
know which lamp sat on the floor next to my bed. It was a white bulb, a desk
lamp with a cheap plastic covering. I had it pointed towards the wall below my
double bed of which a new blue comforter stretched across.
I sat sideways at
the foot of the bed with my body pillow behind me for support. The opposite
wall was bare but for a laminated Irish Writers poster my English teacher in
high school gave me. She was a kind Italian woman and I hung it mainly as a
joke.
My computer
created creases on the inside of my legs where the metallic edges rested. To my
right was my college-issued desk. It was covered in loose papers. To my left
was my roommate, leaning against my shoulder.
The light on the
wall could not have been orange but perhaps the walls were a mute tan and the
light was so dispersed I could not tell the difference. My eyelids tapped
together and as the edges of my vision went dark I could still see a tuft of
her long blonde hair curl towards my face. She must’ve already taken her
glasses off; I could see them on the windowsill at the head of the bed. The plastic
blinds were broken.
I had asked her
to leave but she was already asleep. This had been going on for weeks.
Later that month she
would storm out crying, only to return for the glasses she left on the
windowsill. After she left I had to laugh.
Later that life
she would say hello and not much more. After my girlfriend and I broke
up she became friendlier again. She would get drunk and ask me about my post
graduation plans. We would talk on the road behind our friends as we walked
back from illegal swimming holes.
The light reflected orange against the walls and I put my laptop on the desk next to me. I reached down and turned the light off. Light from the blue public safety lamp bounced off the snow and sneaked into the bedroom. The window was open a crack, I had been waking up my hair damp with sweat.
She was still laying there, curled up like a dog by a fireplace. I sat on the edge of the bed and looked back at her. Her pale skin turned blue in the light. It was smooth, white skin. It reminded me of the ocean water beneath the boardwalk.
I decided to lay down and go to sleep. I left her the comforter.
I think your approach to the assignment is terrific, very creative. Your imagery is fantastic, it really gives me a complete picture of your situation. How you described your computer making creases and the picture you painted in describing the lighting in such detail make your piece very engaging. Giving the reader background info as well makes your piece seem more complete, like when you mentioned the evolution of your relationship and walking back from illegal swimming holes. Your ending leaves a lot to the imagination as well, makes the reader question and keeps your piece in my head. Why did you leave her the comforter? You kinda pulled it outa nowhere, the unexpectedness of how your story evolves keeps me engaged.
ReplyDeleteI think your approach to the assignment is terrific, very creative. Your imagery is fantastic, it really gives me a complete picture of your situation. How you described your computer making creases and the picture you painted in describing the lighting in such detail make your piece very engaging. Giving the reader background info as well makes your piece seem more complete, like when you mentioned the evolution of your relationship and walking back from illegal swimming holes. Your ending leaves a lot to the imagination as well, makes the reader question and keeps your piece in my head. Why did you leave her the comforter? You kinda pulled it outa nowhere, the unexpectedness of how your story evolves keeps me engaged.
ReplyDeleteMy first reaction to this piece was to the second sentence. When you said, "Which can't be true- I know which lamp sat on the floor next to my bed". I thought this was very honest and made me believe you as a writer and made me curious about what else you had to say, I also thought that the detail in this introduction let me know that you were really observant and the fact that you remember all of this shows that this was an important time in your life and makes me want to keep reading, I thought it was interesting when you said, "I sat sideways at the foot of the bed with my body pillow behind me for support". I think that you could not only elaborate on this, but maybe relate or compare the support you got from your pillow to the emotional support you may have needed or wanted regarding your relationship. I also though it was interesting when you said, "The light on the wall could not have been orange but perhaps the walls were a mute tan and the light was so dispersed I could not tell the difference". I think you could relate this to how love or lust make us confused and can cause us to see things in life differently or miss out on things completely. I also had a very intense reaction when you said, "My eyelids tapped together and as the edges of my vision went dark I could still see a tuft of her long blonde hair curl towards my face". I feel like you are really seeing and feeling so much and every detail counts and as a reader I felt that way too. I also thought that the short sentences you used when you said, "I had asked her to leave but she was already asleep. This had been going on for weeks". Showed the kind of frustration that as a reader I perceived that you felt.
ReplyDelete